Gray — The In-Between Light

A couple of years ago, my family spent the advent season keeping vigil with my father as he was in his final hours of life, only to face a similar vigil with my mother-in-law not long after. It was quiet and gray, but not heavy. We were not waiting in the dark so much as in the gray. It was an in-between place where light and shadow mingled through days that were long. The gray of those days was not only a despairing hue. In the gray unknown, we also experienced moments of tenderness. There is a strange mercy that exists between holding on and letting go.

 

Seasons of impending loss reveal that purer faith does not require bold confidence as much as it does faithful vigil. Sometimes it is the slow breath of trust when there are no answers left. In the gray hue, we learn to stop striving for certainty and instead rest in presence, to notice the holy hidden in the ordinary. We watch more closely the rhythm of breathing and feel more deeply the warmth of a hand of a friend or loved one.

 

The gray teaches us to live inside the mystery. There is no need to rush the dawn when we recognize that even diffuse light is still light. It invites us to believe that grace can exist even when clarity is not possible. In every moment of uncertainty, grace lingers a little longer with us. It offers faithful and quiet companionship until the next color appears.

 

– Bart McNiel

God of the in-between, meet us in the gray hue of our waiting. Help us to trust that Your light is already here, seeping through the edges of what we cannot yet understand. Let us find peace not in answers, but in Your abiding presence. Amen.